Dear Jack Chengs,

I’m not currently looking for a software job in Southern California. Are you? If so, you may want to redirect that Monster job search listing to your own e-mail.

Jack Cheng in the Midwest, please thank your friends for all the invitations to church potlucks. I will be unable to attend. Similarly to the Jack Cheng in Hong Kong — if I can’t make it 1000 miles to the Midwest, you know I won’t make it to Kowloon! Jack Chengs are a pious group; God bless us.

Jack Cheng, you may want to clarify your e-mail address with any companies you are working for or consulting with. I’m happy to look over your Powerpoint presentations but I always feel a little bad when I get to the footnote that says all the information is confidential.

To my (second) favorite Jack Cheng, the designer and writer in Brooklyn who writes about tea and the slow web and had a successful Kickstarter campaign for his novel. Congrats! I’m sorry if my own attempts to build a writing career has confused Googlers trying to find you. You got the domain name; good on you. Also, you may want to get in touch with the Geekdad blog — they have some nice messages for you.

I don’t know about the rest of you Jack Chengs, but I’m trying to reduce my material impulses. (Okay, I’ll admit I just bought a new acoustic guitar and I didn’t NEED it, but man, it’s sweet. It’s a L’Arrivee from Vancouver, the same brand [not the same model] that Commander Hadfield played in the International Space Station. Have you seen his “Space Oddity” video? Are you space geeks like me?)

Oh, sorry, I got sidetracked. Where was I? Trying to buy less. For that reason, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t sign me up for all those store newsletters. You know what I’m talking about — Sears, sporting goods stores, car dealerships. I’m earning mad bonus points at Barnes and Noble even though I hardly ever shop there. Jack Cheng, I apologize for using your $5 B&N coupon but it was on my phone and they took it. You’d do the same, wouldn’t you?

I have to say, I’m oddly happy to see all the fitness newsletters; I didn’t think Jack Chengs were a particularly athletic lot. But we try! Am I right?

You may be wondering how it is that I got the awesome Gmail address. Well, my cousin Wilson works at Google and he invited me when Gmail was still in beta. Pretty cool, right? But it seems like there is some jealousy or just plain confusion on the part of the rest of you. It’s time now to just face the facts: I got the address and you didn’t. Don’t hate the player, bros.

Try Hotmail.

Best,

Jack Cheng

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